does anyone not have major plans for june and want to go on a mission trip? it's really a lot of fun and the people we go with and help with are all absolutely wonderful. just let me know....

a thought for the day

now the plummer's got a drip in his spigot
the mechanic's got a clank in his car
and the preacher's thinking thoughts that are wicked
and the lover's got a lonely heart
my friends ain't the way i wish they were
they are just the way they are

and i will be my brother's keeper
not the one who judges him
i won't despise him for his weakness
i won't regard him for his strength
i won't take away his freedom
i will help him learn to stand
and i will, i will be my brother's keeper

now this roof has got a few missing shingles
but at least we got ourselves a roof
and they say that she's a fallen angel
i wonder if she recalls when she last flew
there's no point in pointing fingers
unless you're pointing to the truth

and i will be my brother's keeper
not the one who judges him
i won't despise him for his weakness
i won't regard him for his strength
i won't take away his freedom
i will help him learn to stand
and i will, i will be my brother's keeper
--rich mullins 

because on and off
the clouds have fought
for control over the sky
and lately the weather has been so bi-polar
and consequently so have i

i talked to the rents about Into the Woods last night=we bought another nose today

i've got to dye my hair again today b/c it'll be white by the show if i don't

i'm really hate writing outlines for apush

anyone remember the dates and times for the show at hawfields?

not incredibly excited about next week.

"Someday, the light will shine like a sun through my skin & they will say, What have you done with your life? & though there are many moments I think I will remember, in the end, I will be proud to say, I was one of us."
--"One of Us", brian andreas











it'll all be worth it later...i'm just not great at being patient.

thoughts.

"Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere)arranging
a window,into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here)and

changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and fro moving New and
Old things,while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there)and

without breaking anything."
--e.e.cummings

a lesson of endurance

i'll tell you flat out
it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts i will exclude
the very thing that i hate more than everything is
the way i'm powerless
to dictate my own moods

i've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and i just pray my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

when i go down
i go down hard
and i take everything i've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when i go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
i think if only i had fought them

if and when i can
clear myself of this clouded mind
i'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that i'm so ready to be found

i've thrown away
the hope i had in friendships
i've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more
i've thrown away
the secret to find an end to this
and i just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

when i go down
i go down hard
and i take everything i've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when i go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
i think if only i had fought them

any control i thought i had just slips right through my hands
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
reprimands me
then and there i confess
i'll blame all this on my selfishness
yet You love me
and that consumes me
and i'll stand up again
and do so willingly

You give me hope
and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart
and when You do you make it light
as i exhale i hear your voice
and i answer You
though i hardly make a noise
and from my lips the words i choose to say seem pathetic
but it's a fallen man's praise
because i love You
oh God, i love You
and life is now worth living
if only because of You
and when they say that i am dead and gone
it won't be further from the truth

when i go down
i lift my eyes to You
i won't look very far
cause You'll be there
with open arms
to lift me up again
to lift me up again

"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is very fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life."  --james 1:12

and the roller coaster dips again.

i know that i'm all moody and angry and emotional far too often. i just want to start all over and stop making messes.

and this week the trend
was to borrow all the strength that You could lend
to keep my head above the water and not descend
back to where i said i'd never go again

so i say
give me a solution
and watch me run with it
and then You gave
You gave me a solution
what have i done with it?
cause i was absolutely sure i had it all figured out
way back then
but after this day it's this week all over again

and i just want to get mugged at knifepoint
to get cut enough to wake me up
cause i know that i don't want to die
sitting around watching my life go by
and what we take from this is what we'll get
and we havn't quite figured it out just yet
because all of us are all too stuck
strapped to a chair watching our lives blow up
stuck watching our lives blow up...

today=

*my mom's birthday=chocolate cake!
*working on too many projects
*the beverage gallery with my jenny =)
*beautiful, wonderful sunshine and green grass

swing dancing, anyone?

there's gonna be a swing dance thing @ western high school friday night from 7-11...and it's $5 to get in...and it's super fun =)

if anyone has the time and the guts to try...let me know!

i'm a silly, silly girl.

i worry a whole lot. about school, about ap tests, about people, about faith, about other people's faith, about the play, about getting enough sleep and exercise, about spending time with God, about spending time with just me, and on and on and on...and it's all really silly. i cannot control other people and i cannot count on my plans.

so i was in my room last night stretching and listening to music and enjoying the candles and God was just like...you don't have to worry! i'm so much bigger than all of this and i'm taking care of you...and you're going to be alright if you just let me handle it all. and i have to do that. it's a whole lot easier said than done...and i really don't like being in situations where i can't do anything...but i guess i'll have to just get over that. and stop waiting for things to all be completely ok and comfortable because they never will be.

i used to see the world in black and white
now i find myself lost in a fog of grey
i thought the good guys always won the fight
but i've learned life simply doesn't work that way
i once believed if i loved others
they would love me too
but i've seen that isn't always so
i thought that inner peace would come from trusting who i am
but it's really about trusting who i know

so when the winds of change try to blow me over
and the shadows of confusion hide the truth
i will hope in the One who is forever
i will run to You
i will run to You

ever since the moment life began
humankind has tried to solve its mysteries
so many things we cannot comprehend
so we draw conclusions that we can believe
well, i know that Your hands have placed the earth upon the seas
and pitched a tent in the heavens for the sun
the Author of the universe is the Father who loves me
so only one conclusion can be drawn

when the winds of change try to blow me over
and the shadows of confusion hide the truth
i will hope in the One who is forever
i will run to You
i will run to You

when i face the questions that seem to have no answers
and i know my friends are but a precious few
i will hope in the love that never changes
i will run to You

though the perils of life seem so great
and hope seems so frail
You never fail, no
shadows may not disappear
but You've always made it clear
truth will prevail
You will prevail

so when the winds of change try to blow me over
and the shadows of confusion hide the truth
i will hope in the One who is forever
i will run to You
i will run to You

what a day.

now i want a nap. and prayer is always great. thanks.

"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death."
--proverbs 14:12

the sermon this morning was on wisdom...like the wisdom that people have about living on their own, and the wisdom about living that God has. it was about how God asks us to live in a way that seems strange and illogical sometimes, and so we do what seems right and sensible to us and the most logical at the time, and then wonder later why our lives have fallen apart.

sounds like the American dream to me....