ready to relax

well, it's official: i have just sent the first scholarship essay. *breathes a sigh of relief*

i've had so much to do this week and i've just been pushing hard to get finished and not really thinking about spring break. i'm super close to being done with all of the homework and i think i can maybe just relax for the next couple days. i'm trying really hard to imagine that....

can’t believe that i did it again
wake me up from this nightmare
‘cause this monster is wasting me away
and taking my days
everyday i live a bit less
one night leads to another
even if I went back
would they recognize me
or criticize me

who are you that lies when you stare in my face
telling me that i’m just a trace of the person i once was
cause i just can't tell if you're telling the truth or a lie
on you i just can't rely
after all you're just a piece of glass

still i control this nightmare
when i call it answers
but i can't tell it when to come or when to stay

who are you that lies when you stare in my face
telling me that i’m just a trace of the person i once was
cause i just can't tell if you're telling the truth or a lie
on you i just can't rely
after all you're just a piece of glass

don’t talk
listen
hold me tighter
stay with me just for a while
until the sun shines stay with me
just give me one more day

who are you that lies when you stare in my face
telling me that i’m just a trace of the person i once was
cause we're not the same
you're just a picture of me
you’re gone as soon as i leave
you've lived my life for me
and you're no more than a piece of glass

oh...i just got it! it's a mirror...and oh how true....

my hair is super-nifty

and yeah--it's purple.

i went to the thing at drago's last night and won trivial pursuit--who'd have thought? and i participated when we played whiffleball and bocce ball...and enjoyed it (triple shocker)! ;)

i found this this morning and thought it was wonderful:

"He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters. He delivered me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me. They attacked me at a moment when I was weakest, but the Lord upheld me. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me."
--psalm 18:16-19

in the spirit of easter...and stuff...

it doesn't take much
for my heart to break
and You have done it
for what's seems the millionth time
whenever i hear
of Your saving grace
and how You gave Your life
in exchange for mine

sometimes i wonder why You even love me
and why You ever chose to call me child
then i remember
it's by Your sacrifice 
i can say that 
i am Yours and You are mine

it doesn't take much
for me to shed a tear
and You have done so many things
to make me cry
whenever i think
of all that i've done wrong
and everything that You have done
to make it right

sometimes i wonder why You even love me
and why You ever chose to call me child
then i remember
it's by Your sacrifice 
i can say that 
i am Yours and You are mine

it doesn't take much
for my heart to break
and You have done it
for what's seems the millionth time

i thought they were funny...

"this is a rare picture of the Easter scorpion & if you ever wondered who started all those stupid rumors about a bunny, well, now you know."
--brian andreas

"You don't have to believe in the Easter scorpion, but it'll still put a little more juice into the whole idea of putting your hand into dark places looking for eggs."
--brian andreas

it's going to be a good day.

i can tell already. i woke up at 8 and the birds were singing and i got up and i've already had a shower, eaten breakfast, started the "energy-efficient home" poster and put away my clothes and the towels and i'm onto the chapter 24 outline for mr. preudhomme. there's an egg hunt at church today, and we're going out to eat with my aunt and uncle tonight...and i'm going to goodwill later! =)

i'm super ready for this break.
i got up at 11 and have been relatively lazy as of yet...though i'll proabably start homework soon so i can really relax later in the week. i'm starting to not feel so awfully sick...and i thought i'd give you a heads up on my hair...i think i'm getting purple highlights on tuesday. ;)

i tried to start working on my environmental video...but i don't really know how. there are several movie clips that i want in it...but i don't know how to save them and put them in it...and if anyone already knows info on the evils of diamond mining...let me know!

i was listening to this song the other day...and i realized again just how much i need to work on it.

i've got one of those brains
that can't remember where i set my keys
oh, but i could recite every hurtful word ever spoken to me
i say i forgive
i try to forget
but it's like getting caught in a rainstorm
and tryin' not to get wet
oh, and i've weathered my share of wrongs
by God's grace i am slowly dryin' off

and i've carefully compiled
a list of names and faces
and i can point out the scars that each one gave me
and i've plotted my revence
fueled by these mental images
but today i'm thowing all my pictures away

cause love doesn't keep a record of wrongs
it lets go
it moves on
oh cause time goes by too fast
to keep painting pictures of the past....

my family will disown me...

the teachers lost...*tear*...but i really had a great time! i got into it and i think i followed along really well--

just don't tell anyone. ;) shhhh...

carries a lot of suitcases but all of them are empty because she's expecting to completely fill them with life by the end of this trip & then she'll come home & sort everything out & do it all again.
--"veteran traveler", brian andreas

just thought it was time for an update...
*my dad's birthday was monday=flan at la cocina (mmm...)
*i'm super ready to sleep in next week
*i'm thinking the teacher-student game will be interesting ;)

I've always thought I was taller than I looked, she said, but that belief is not without difficulties.
--"believing tall", brian andreas

off to a college visit...

here is my heart
take what You want
'cause i have no use for it anyway
well of all the stupid things i've ever said
this could be the worst
may be the best
but those are the breaks
these are the bruises
and if i can't give myself away
i'm the only one who loses
and i don't want to lose this

it is the sea that makes the sailor
and the land that shapes the sea
and i do not know yet what i am made of
or all i may someday be
and it is the wood that makes a carpenter
it's the very tools of his trade
and it is love that makes a lover
and a cross that makes a saint

here is my song
listen if you will
but i have no heart for it anymore
i just have half a mind to cut it loose
and if it sails off into the blue
then i'll just let it soar
and the sky is good at keeping
and i won't be any poorer
for giving it its freedom
and here's one for freedom

it is the sea that makes the sailor
and the land that shapes the sea
and i do not know yet what i am made of
or all i may someday be
and it is the wood that makes a carpenter
it's the very tools of his trade
and it is love that makes a lover
and a cross that makes a saint 

well, of all the stupid things I've ever said
this could be the worst
may be the best
but those are the breaks...


i always come back to rich mullins--he had such astounding faith...

this is so perfect!

leotards are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

i loved this show...but clarissa was my favorite

You scored as Legends of the Hidden Temple. Legends of the Hidden Temple 83% Doug 83% The Adventures of Pete and Pete 67% Kablam! 58% Are You Afraid of the Dark? 58% The Secret World of Alex Mack 50% Clarissa Explains It All 50% Rocko's Modern Life 42% Rugrats 42% Double Dare 0% Ren & Stimpy 0% Which Old School Nickelodeon Show Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

"I promise you not a moment will be lost as long as I have heart & voice to speak & we will walk again together with a thousand others & a thousand more & on & on until there is no one among us who does not know the truth: there is no future without love."
--brian andreas

i want to be real. it's time to be honest, open, and to live life like i'm not afraid. unafraid to love people and to wake up in the morning vividly loving my Creator. i refuse to live like our society says to. i refuse to be fake and mask what i am. i will love me, i will love others, and i will love my God authentically and unashamedly. and in the words of william lloyd garrison, "i will be heard."

yay!

You scored as Sleeping Beauty. Your alter ego is Princess Aurora, a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty! You are beautiful and enchanting, and as sweet as ever. Sleeping Beauty 94% The Beast 75% Donald Duck 75% Peter Pan 69% Snow White 56% Cinderella 56% Pinocchio 56% Goofy 44% Cruella De Ville 38% Ariel 38% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

acquire the fire was super great...much better than last year. less commercial, more relative, and the newsboys concert was lovely. they did this song and i really really liked it:

all my world
all i've lost
the wrecks i've made here
the lives it cost
Your hand restores
Your works make whole
with all my soul
i thank You
i owe You
all my devotion
all that i have to give
here's my devotion
You're all that it means to live

all my past
my tainted main
You stole its legacy
of pride and shame
You're all i love
You're all i fear
i'm drawing near
to face You
to know You
to show You devotion
all that i have to give
here's my devotion
You're all that it means to live

You found me
in a shallow grave
You tracked me out from beneath it all
You healed me
saved me
in the nick of time
Your perfect time

i devote all i have to You
i devote all that You've made new
all You restored that day You bled
all that You brought back from the dead

devotion
all that i have to give
here's my devotion
You're all that it means to live

i needed to hear this.

why do you put your trust in such shallow things?
you're told that they will bring you love
you should know better
there is more than this

you may once have known Me
or maybe not
but I have known you since before your time began
meet the Creator of man

I can't help you
if you look at yourself
I can't heal you
if your mind's somewhere else
let Me love you
put your eyes on Me and I'll be your strength

you talk about a strength that comes from within
but there's no energy that does not come from Me
won't you look at Me?

I can't help you
if you look at yourself
I can't heal you
if your mind's somewhere else
let Me love you
put your eyes on Me and I'll be your strength

to Me you are so special
so special
can't you see?

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and congrats to the cast of We Were Young That Year! 
                                                              =)  break a leg tomorrow...

                                  @------------>-------------->------------------
"Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!"
--romans 15:13

i feel like a zombie.

and i hate ap classes.

like one of the writers of Psalms, i'm completely out of answers.

"So where is the love you're so famous for, Lord? What happened to your promise..."
--psalm 89:49

i know that i don't belong here..and i desperately want to go home.

"If you lived on the world's terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God's terms and no longer on the world's terms, the world is going to hate you...they are going to do all these things to you because of the way they treated me, because they don't know the One who sent me."
--john 15:19,21

hey daddy...
can you pick up all of the pieces and fix me?
i need you to teach me to be quiet and happy with the things i have
and to understand that i don't need anyone else to love me
and that after everything that has gone wrong...
that i can still be special.

and more homework.

i must see the One who walked the earth

i keep coming back to this song:

40 days in hollywood
40 nights in hell
how's life in your comfort zone?
out here on sacred ground i'm doing swell
the new word is i'm crazy
could have told you that before
but if you've got the guts to join me
leave your sandals at the door
because there's no turning back
no wasting time
no giving up on what i know is mine
no way i'm stopping
not a chance i'm backing down
i've come to fight for mercy
and take this angel town

i hear it so clear
it pounds upon my heart
who will give ear?
and sacrifice to start?
am I alone?
if so it is well with me
do you know that the truth will set you free

40 days in hollywood
40 nights in hell
sweet seduction plagues the streets
and i know now why she fell
but there's no time for distractions
and i will not close my eyes
i'm hunting for the hurting
desperate in their cries

i hear it so clear
it pounds upon my heart
who will give ear?
and sacrifice to start?
am I alone?
if so it is well with me
do you know that the truth will set you free...

just some thoughts...

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
--Harvey Fierstein

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
--E. M. Forster

"Still we live meanly, like ants; though the fable tells us that we were long ago changed into men; like pygmies we fight with cranes; it is error upon error, and clout upon clout, and our best virtue has for its occasion a superfluous and evitable wretchedness. Our life is frittered away by detail."
--Henry David Thoreau

and i really like kendall payne...

child, don't close your eyes
the truth contains much beauty
and though it scars your soul
it can heal the wounds it makes
you've been deceived
to think that pain is to be dreaded
when you've got nothing left
it'll give more than it takes
if you can be honest
i can be too

just be still....

easy isn't what I'd call this
who knows what easy means
the more I try to make this happen the less it's clear to me
the hope that keeps me moving is in Your promises to me
and right now that's enough
it's gonna have to be

sometimes yes
sometimes no
sometimes that's the way it goes
You're not giving any secrets away
who's to know
who's to say
sometimes it's hard to live this way
holding on
letting go
when it's sometimes yes and sometimes no

i wanna know just what it looks like
what the answer's gonna be
i wanna grab a hold of something
to give me some security
and know it's You i'm hearing
gently helping me to see
when everything i've prayed for
is not Your will for me

and it's not poetic justice that has me waiting all this while
it's the way a loving father deals with his child
so this is how i'm learning
holding on and letting go
sometimes yes and sometimes no...