nifty stuff

a million miles away from anything familiar
a thousand places I would rather be
so I choke back the tears 
and try to find the bright side 
though I find it hard to see beyond my suffering
in my heart I know Your plan is so much bigger
but this small part is all that I can see
and I believe you haven't left me here to wander
still I can't help but ponder where You're leading me

and I ask why this road
why this way 
and this load? 
tell me how far I must go
'til I see 
'til I know why this road

a million miles away from anything familliar
what was it like to be so far from home?
and though You came in love 
the world misunderstood You
there must have been some days when You felt so alone
but You endured 'cause there was joy before You
joy that came because You sacrificed 
since You gave yourself just to spend forever with me 
surely I can trust You'll lead me through my darkest times

when I ask why this road
why this way and this load
tell me how far must I go
'til I see
'til I know why this road

from here I cannot see 
why You'd choose this path for me 
but I don't have to understand 
to believe that You know why....

You know why this road
why this way and this load
You know how far I must go
'til I see
'til I know why this road

"And we know we are going to get what's coming to us - an unbelievable inheritance! 
We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with 
him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him! That's why I 
don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the 
coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next...."
~Romans 8:17-19

well, i finally did it. 

i just sent the first assignment for Mr. PreudHomme (almost 2 weeks late i might add). ewwwww....

this week has been really relaxed, and i've enjoyed it. i think i've caught up on sleep now, and i re-duct taped my Bible this morning. i cleaned out most of my room yesterday, and i really hope i did ok on the exam i wasn't at all prepared for in Sociology last night.

my youth pastor called...i may be doing puppets for the mission trip to Texas next month. hmmm....

                   i want to start writing letters to my kids today.

we're going camping this weekend! yay! the Atlanta Ballet is going to be at Appalachian State University http://www.appsummer.org/atlantaballet.php4
and we're going. i've never been to a ballet before....
we're also going to Blowing Rock b/c Abby did a report on it for school and she's never been there.

but what's up with rich text? what's up with the color function?

mint chocolate chip ice cream

i'm recovering now. i hate how materialistic it is here...and how long it will be before i can get through college and move there to be a dance teacher...but there are lessons i've got to learn before i get there. and i'm ok with that.

i'm supposed to be catching up on sociology...but i'm just being kinda quiet and reflect-y on the trip instead. the exam isn't until tuesday night--and this is more important.

pictures! i haven't gotten mine back yet, but Caleb took digital ones...here's a couple:

my erica! one of my oh-so-helpful dance teachers...and our beautiful girls!

and the performance for all the sports camp kids...they were absolutely wonderful!

me, martin, and whitney hopkins in the play on thursday night....

i want to go back.

i miss my kids desperately.

it was definitely a different kind a of mission trip. usually we all come back with this huge spiritual high...but this was different. i feel so empty. i rode a van to take a bunch of the kids home this time...that made it harder to leave i think. i know what kind of conditions they live in, i know why they're always dirty...why they don't know how to love each other and why they cling to us so hard and cry so genuinely when we leave. i don't understand why they have to live this way. i feel absolutely and completely selfish. if i had grown up there...i know that i would be one of the most rebellious and most angry people on the planet. God taught us some different lessons this time. i learned that He doesn't always do things the way i want, but that He always does what He says He'll do. i learned how much God has changed me since I started trusting Him. i learned that He can take something that's been shattered into a million unfixable pieces and make it into something beautiful and worthwhile--that's what He's done with me. i learned that telling little girls that you love them and they're beautiful and special will make a child that is completely without hope brighten up with this amazing smile and light all over. 
i learned how to love people with everything i have.

last night, i was really upset. my family doesn't understand...they can't even fathom what these kids go through, and how much it hurts to have to leave them. i didn't want to wake up here...and i was so worried about all of those wonderful children. i don't want anyone to hurt them anymore...and I have to trust God to take care of them b/c i can't be with them now. He showed me this:

"'Oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear Me and always keep all My commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever! Go and say to them, "Return to your tents." But as for you, stand here by Me, and I will speak to you all the commandments, the statutes, and the judgments which you shall teach them, that they may observe them in the land which I am giving them to possess.' Therefore you shall be careful to do as the Lord your God has commanded you; you shall not turn aside to the right hand or to the left.You shall walk in all the ways which the Lord your God has commanded you, that you may live and that it may be well with you, and that you may prolong your days in the land which you shall possess."
~deuteronomy 5:29-33

He always says just what i need to hear....

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

i'm freaking out! i don't know why i'm so nervous...antsy...anxious. i'm afraid i'll forget something and let everyone down--but everyone isn't counting on me! such a silly girl....

anyway, we leave tomorrow morning for the mission trip. i'm excited and glad and kinda scared too. God always pushes me out of my comfort zone on these things...but that's good for me. Please pray for us! if God uses us to bring people to Him and to make us all stronger, it won't be because of anything we did...and once again, i hope i come back different--more secure, more thankful, more loving, and more outgoing.

night night. i love you all!

i have to be honest now.

i fell apart yesterday.

i've been so busy...with the Sociology class and trying to kill myself with keeping this house clean
and driving makes me tired and nervous and all the sports camps and extra meetings at church and i'm shot. we leave for War, WV on saturday and i can't go on a mission trip like that...i don't have anything to give people anymore....

            so, like always, i tried to cover it up and continue going on and try to find the bright side and all i found was guilt from never being able to do enough, fatigue from not sleeping enough, and worry from not being able to be everyone's super hero and be able to carry everyone and handle everything all at once. even my quiet times had erroded into planned spaces of time in which i had to hurry up and do something else to help someone...i couldn't hear God anymore, and it really scared me. at youth group last night i realized that if anywhere, that should be the place where i can be who i am and not wonder if people would think badly of me.
                                                  
                                               i shouldn't even try to wear a mask there.

so i didn't. i didn't try to entertain everyone, and i didn't pretend i was bubbly and happy inside. and as people were hugging and laughing and talking about how great God is, i started crying. and i realized that i hadn't in such a long time and that it felt so good. and then one of the leaders, Jeff, came up and said something and i started sobbing and it hurt...but it felt good to know that it was ok to hurt--it wasn't anything to hide and that there were people there that loved me even though i couldn't run the world on my own. i try to do that all too often and i always end up paying for it. and i was just saying everything that i had blocked out of my mind and everything came tumbling out and tears were everywhere and Whitney and Greg let me cry too. i hardly ever cry about anything...but i dearly  love them for letting me be real and for being strong when i couldn't be anymore. Jeff said i wasn't allowed to work the camp this week...that i had to stay home and learn to make time for myself...so that's what i've been doing today. a whole lot of nothing. but after crying out to Jesus with everything in me last night...being quiet and calm and not doing much was ok. it was soothing and i didn't feel guilty about it. some of us are getting together to pray about the mission trip tomorrow, so that will be good. they're such great role models....

"I don't want your sacrifice--I want your love. I don't want your offerings--I want you to know Me."
~Hosea 6:6 

so yeah. to be honest: i'm not perfect, i over-commit, and i do have bad days.

found this while cleaning out e-mails

From a previous article in National Geographic....

After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began
their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother's wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise.

She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies. When the blaze had arrived, the heat scorched her small body, but the mother had remained steadfast. Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover of her wings would live.

It sure makes this verse make more sense....
"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you
will find refuge." ~Psalm 91:4

GREAT BIG NEWS

YAY! this is soooooo majorly exciting! 

                   Drago is directing a Gallery Players show!

They're doing Jerry Herman's Hello, Dolly! September 17-26. Auditions are July 26th and 27th (time and place to be announced), and he wants as many people from our program to try out as possible!

                                                            =) hint, hint, wink, wink....

What better way is there to get involved in community theatre (and really wonderful community theatre i might add)?!?!?!

Marilyn Fox is the music director. The choreographer is to be announced as well. If all goes as planned, yours truly will be the stage manager and Martin Jacaruso will be the assistant stage manager (we haven't asked Martin yet though...;)) Since this is hot off the presses, the website hasn't been updated yet. However....

                             you can read about parts here:
                http://galleryplayersonline.com/archive/hellodolly.htm

pink bubble gum

yum....

i fixed some of abby's flowers today. they're pretty. 
                      
                          i love flowers--they make me smile =)

and i picked her up from artsploration...and i've got to go get the soundtrack and songbook that i ordered from the Christian bookstore the other day. yay! i really should learn to play the piano.

sociology tonight...lunch club on saturday @ 1.... 

countdown for War--9 days! i miss my girls oh-so-much...

i love this passage...

Hear my prayer, O Lord,
Give ear to my supplications!
In Your faithfulness answer me,
And in Your righteousness. 
Do not enter into judgment with Your servant,
For in Your sight no one living is righteous. 
For the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in darkness,
Like those who have long been dead.
Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart within me is distressed.
I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all Your works;
I muse on the work of Your hands. 
I spread out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You like a thirsty land. 

Answer me speedily, O Lord; My spirit fails!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You do I trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
For I lift up my soul to You.
Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies;
In You I take shelter.
Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God; Your Spirit is good.
Lead me in the land of uprightness. 
Revive me, O Lord, for Your name's sake!
For Your righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble. 
In Your mercy cut off my enemies,
And destroy all those who afflict my soul;
For I am Your servant.
~psalm 143

You are purple. What a romantic person you are!
You're sentimental and forward-looking (those
are opposites). You're sophisticated and
refined--with a refined taste for chocolates (yum...).
Tempermental and moody, you let
people know when you're angry. But other
times, you just sit and sulk. Alone. When
around people, you're a generous person, with
insatiable needs. You're a starving artist,
basically. You enjoy getting into debates
over politics and religion with people of the
same intelligence as you. But you know they
can never convince you otherwise, you stubborn
person, you. As the unique person you are (not
to mention just a tad bit eccentric...), you're
well-liked by either a few people, or too many
people...


What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

this is why

my pastor was talking about prayer today...well, actually he was talking about all the different names God gave Himself to show us what He's like to lead up to a series of sermons of prayer...anyway, one of them translates to "God my provider." God knows all the stars in the sky (i'll have to look up the reference for that) which is really cool b/c there are quite a few...but my pastor said this and i liked it:

 "...as long as the stars are still in the sky, God will provide for your needs...."

another thing is this verse...i found it the other day and i really, really liked it....

"You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.... Fearless now, I trust in God; what can mere mortals do to me? God, you did everything you promised, and I'm thanking you with all my heart. You pulled me from the brink of death, my feet from the cliff-edge of doom. Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life."
~psalm 56:8,11-13

                     so yeah...that's why.

i broke the go-mop.

yeah...oops! i was trying to use the new, little, technologically-sound, wood wipe-y things to clean the dining room floor...but i broke it.

                And the duct tape wouldn't fix it!

and what kind of a mood is "predatory", anyway?!?!?

so yes...i've been very productive today..."productive" being the word of the month...i went to my nana's to help her clean out her storage building and then we went to see abby's play.

Review for Arts Alive's the Bronze Bow:

--the set was absolutely amazing! it was incredibly believable and very well done...it kinda helps when the director is an artist...but! downside--there was too much scenery. they kept having to move stuff around and that was annoying.

--costumes were pretty good...make-up was decent.

--acting was...interesting. the lead guy, John Countryman was very good...i was impressed. though...they were too young to believe that they were interested in marrying people...the demon-possesed girl and people that were sick and crippled were very believable. the other girl...Leah...i don't remember her real name...there was a scene with her and John and he was yelling at her and throwing her around and that was very believable...great job to them!

--fight scenes! tons of them. yay! they were wonderful...especially considering that these kids are middle school and younger. it also helps if the director used to choreograph fight scenes for the Sword of Peace...

...everlasting, You are my God
You were, and are, and always will be
neverending songs cry holy, holy
for You are worthy
You are everlasting...

sparkley green toe nails

yay! that's right, folks...my toes are officially glittery and a pale shade of lime-y green. i really do like glitter.

i slept in today! that was very exciting, i thought. and now i'm re-typing the script for the play we'll do on the mission trip in West Virginia b/c my silly youth pastor is keyboard illiterate. i love him though...such a goober! =) my sister is performing tonight...i hope it goes well. i'm going to see it tomorrow. you know what else?

i really like Frostys at Wendy's. mmmm

some would say I'm foolish
to put my faith in You
and some would say I'm wise because I do
as I consider all of this
all that really matters is

I know, I know who You are
by the way You make the wind blow
and the way You stir my heart
and I have only made it through so far
'cause I know
I know who You are...

conformity

sociology.

we got the first exam back tonight--my teacher is a funny kid. don't get me wrong, i really enjoy the class and i think he's a very good teacher, but i stayed after class to ask a question about one of the answers that i got wrong and he acted all weird about it b/c i'd already gotten an A. i was confused b/c that was perfectly normal behavior for me and the people in my high school classes...

                                 we were trained to be this way. 

i feel like a machine.

funny though, b/c i was just reading this morning:


"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is."
~romans 12:1-2

loaded cheese fries are yummy

gasp! can anyone believe it? could it be?!?!
              yep yep...elizabeth finally got one of these things...

so what did i do of interest today? well...i got up and got ready and did devotions and stuff and then i took abby to the Paramount for dress rehearsal of the Bronze Bow. it's this weekend by the way...then me and my katie went out to lunch at Rockola which was lots of fun. i felt really old though--being able to drive is really weird. but i really love my katie! =)


So come and rescue me
I'm here on bended knee
And I'm crying out to You
All I really, really want is to be free
So take my hand, here I am
Oh come and rescue me