i'm back. and blank is exactly what i feel. i love feeling this way though, b/c i don't have to worry about anything, i can just be and be quiet and content and...peaceful. i'm usually so moody or worried or even overly excited...quiet is nice.
the trip was definitely not at all like i expected. God stretched me a whole lot more than i would have liked, but i definitely needed it. things i learned:
- God is determined to work in and through me. no matter how many times I tell Him that I want to do what i want and not what He wants...He refuses to give up on me.
- God's plans and my plans are complete opposites...but I end up much happier when I go with His plans.
- that i've been counting on my own strength to get me through...and that's why I can't do all the things i have to do and stay sane. =)
- that i have to stop adding to what God asks me to do. it isn't healthy and it's another reason why i feel like i can't get everything done. He doesn't want me exhausted and burnt-out all the time. "A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." ~John 10:10
- that even though my family isn't perfect...i've got it good. the kids in Lubbock go through so much...they're so empty...
- sometimes, the ways God uses me that are unexpected and seem small end up as the biggest and the most important.
- i learned just how much of a pride problem i have. i really like to be out in front of people...and i like it when things revolve around me. but it's not all about me. not even close.
- expecting and watching for miracles is the best way to see them.
so yeah. that's about it for vague blanket concepts. but there's a song that describes a lot about how i feel now. i've been on a sara groves trip lately...it's called "One Thing I Know"
well the clouds just parted
on a corner of my life
and i can see for miles
and the things i was stuck on
things i thought would never change
they just broke open wide
this is the one thing i know
You said You won't let me go
You said You won't let me go
You've done a good work in me
and You won't quit till i'm free
well the veil just lifted
and i can finally understand
the way You work in me
but even if i didn't
You are still a sovreign God
who has a plan for me
this is the one thing i know
You said You won't let me go
You said You won't let me go
You've done a good work in me
and You won't quit till i'm free
it's good to know
You work with hurting, broken souls
that You'll take a soul like mine
in all the world
nothing's taken hold of me...like Christ
this is the one thing
this is the only thing
You are the one thing
You are the only thing
this is the one thing I know....
~sara groves
